Meet The Nanny Spider: It Wants To Wrap You Up In Little Rules And Eat Your Life

Ignorance of the law is no excuse. So here’s a bunch of things you can’t do without council approval.

You can’t sit in a chair on your nature strip. (The council will impound your chair.) Nor can you play with toy cars on your nature strip, according to the City of Maroondah’s Proposed Local Law No. 8.

You can’t set up a lemonade stand. (The stand will be confiscated.) Nor can you put lemonade on a tray and offer to sell it.

Well, you could; but you’d have to provide proof to the council that you possess public liability insurance of at least $10 million. You’d also need to submit a Temporary Food Event Application and Footpath Trading Permit to the council, as well as an Events Food Safety Program to the Department of Human Services – having familiarised yourself with a 40-page document detailing the protocols for cleaning, producing, acquiring the ingredients for and properly labelling your lemonade. (This is no doubt why we don’t have a vibrant street food culture like America.)

You can’t hold a street party. You can’t take a half-empty bottle of wine or spirits home from a dinner party, unless your journey home avoids footpaths, parks or travelling on roads. (Drink it all at the party. That’ll learn ’em.) You can’t busk without approval. If you have approval, you have to stay mobile. You can only play Billie Jean on your keytar for an hour at a time in any one spot.

That’s a lot of rules and paperwork for what most people would consider basic community interaction. So is it any wonder we don’t know our neighbours?

Australians have talked a lot about the nanny state since the Rudd Government came to power. And not entirely fairly. Many proposals to tax and regulate fatty food, booze and smokes were considered during the Howard years. (An endearing quality of the Howard government was they didn’t actually do much.)

But when we look at all the petty regulations that increasingly govern every aspect of our social and community life, it becomes obvious the nanny state is about more than just taxing alcopops.

The nanny state is a vast array of rules and regulations that filter our social lives though rough bureaucratic webs, and patronisingly hold our hands through the most basic of tasks.

Government advertising campaigns are morphing from information dissemination to schoolmarmish mollycoddling – just look at those WorkCover posters telling us to get health checks, or those “championship” violence ads that seem to believe the best way to communicate with young adults is through condescension.

There is no facet of life the Government doesn’t want a stake in. Our communications regulator has been trying to figure out why some people don’t use the internet or mobile phones much. The answer was revealed in a report released on Thursday: they don’t want to. The report says these people are missing out on the benefits of technology, but come on. If people don’t want to download iPhone apps, why on earth should anybody, let alone the Government, care?

The Federal Government has announced an expansive “Golden Guru” program, which seems to be a sort of real-life social networking for seniors. And every Victorian council puts out a brochure or has a spot on their website encouraging us to be good neighbours – some even recommend topics for small talk.

But at the same time these governments seem to be trying their darndest to stop communities forming. In 2009, the winners of the Premier’s Community Volunteering Award have to be more than just civic-minded; they also have to be really good at filling out paperwork.

This stifling of social interaction is a worldwide phenomenon. In the UK, more than a decade of Labour government has left a moribund nation struggling under the weight of bureaucracy.

It was brought into stark relief this week when the British Office for Standards in Education, Children’s Services and Skills accused two best friends who babysat each other’s children of running an “illegal child minding business”. They determined that taking turns constituted virtual payment for services. Then they told the mothers surveillance teams would be monitoring the families to ensure this regulatory breach did not occur again.

Pretty much the same thing happened in Michigan: a woman was fined and threatened with jail for minding children waiting for the bus in front of her house.

Australian community hasn’t been totally regulated away yet. But it’s disappearing. Unless governments drop their nanny-first attitude, we’ll lose it.

Alcohol Is Good – So Let’s Drink To That

Australia’s relationship with alcohol is ”calculated hedonism”, according to the latest of many reports into drinking commissioned by the federal Health Department. This presumably is a Bad Thing.

The report, released last week, argues the intentional pursuit of pleasure is getting in the way of productivity, which is a shame. But what if alcohol is, on balance, good? Alcohol, and the social practices that have developed around it, is a key part of human society, and even human civilisation.

My point isn’t to downplay the very real negative consequences regular excessive drinking can have. Or to ignore the damage some drunk idiots can do, like drink-driving or street-fighting.

But Australian public health activists and the Health Department have decided the small minority of chronic alcoholics or our inadequate late-night policing isn’t the problem – it’s our drinking culture in general.

Traditional Australian mateship rituals like shouting a round of drinks are now seen as a form of peer pressure, and allowing staff to go out for after-work beers is seen as employer negligence.

So the Preventative Health Taskforce and the report leaked out of the Health Department argue workplaces are potential ”alcohol harm-intervention settings”, key battlegrounds for the Government to change our drinking culture. They recommend enacting workplace alcohol education, introducing health checks for employees, and making alcohol prevention strategies a part of industrial relations awards.

What’s interesting about these proposals is what they reveal of the health community’s beliefs about the sort of lives Australians should be leading.

A philosophical watershed was reached in February this year when the Health Department updated the Australian alcohol guidelines to describe the consumption of more than two standard drinks on any given day as risky drinking.

A bottle of wine contains more than seven standard drinks. So if you are one of those couples who like to spend their Saturday evenings with a serve of fettuccine marinara, a DVD box set of SeaChange, and a bottle of Clare Valley Riesling, you are now part of Australia’s booze problem.

Sure, the harmful drinking guidelines are just that – guidelines – but they fly so dramatically in the face of normal human behaviour they are almost completely meaningless. All they reflect is the steady ratcheting-up of claims about how we’re drinking, eating and smoking towards our demise. Never mind the fact that on practically every measure we are much healthier than our ancestors.

The vast majority of people have an overwhelmingly positive relationship with alcohol. Drinking is an important social lubricant. All this discussion about the harmful impact of drinking seems to forget alcohol is a key part of almost every adult social engagement held after 5pm. And for good reason. We enjoy alcohol’s effects and how it helps us relate to others. In almost every situation where alcohol is consumed – even consumed above what the health department has declared as risky – the effects of drinking are benign and, well, pretty enjoyable.

People very quickly learn how to manage their own drinking. Health officials might not always agree with our choices about alcohol consumption – bureaucrats will be bureaucrats! – but they should start to recognise these choices are nevertheless deliberate and informed.

After all, alcohol has played a fundamental role in the history of human civilisation – drinking has been tightly enmeshed with religion, nutrition, medicine and, above all, pleasure.

Compared to coffee and tobacco – regional delicacies that only achieved their global popularity a few hundred years ago – brewing, distilling and fermenting has been a major part of almost every culture for thousands of years.

In their new history of drinking in Australia, Under the Influence, Ross Fitzgerald and Trevor Jordon note Australians are nowhere near the booziest people on the planet, contrary to our self-image. Perhaps we deserve governments that treat us with the same relative moderation we treat alcohol.

Higher, Faster, Costlier: The Price Of Olympic Gold Is Too Great

Malcolm Fraser opened the Australian Institute of Sport in 1981 by saying we were “no longer going to let the world pass us by”.

Since then the performance of Australian sportspeople on the world stage has been not just a matter of pride, but an essential matter of government policy.

Just this week the Rudd Government announced plans to allow foreign athletes to fast-track (I daren’t say “queue-jump”) our laborious citizenship process so we can claim them as our own as quickly as possible. For all the Government’s lyricism about the romance of becoming a citizen of this great, wide, red-brown land, it is happy to toss aside its sacred citizenship rites so we can clock up one or two more medals at the next Olympics.

Indeed, Australia’s relatively weak performance in Beijing – Australian passport holders came a dismal sixth place on the gold medal tally – has panicked senior sports apparatchiks. The $220 million the Federal Government gives each year to the Australian Sports Commission is an embarrassingly small amount of money, according to athletics officials, and risks Australian athletes being trounced by better-resourced foreigners.

So maybe it is better we import athletes rather than hand the Australian Institute of Sport the extra few hundred million bellowed for after Beijing.

Australia is a sports-obsessed country, according to Lonely Planet. That’s fine. But all this political energy, tax money and policy directed towards the four-yearly achievement of a few medals by Australian athletes has to make you wonder – why bother?

It’s anachronistic, for one thing. When Fraser directed the government to mine Olympic gold, he was responding to a Cold War fear that free countries could not compete with socialist ones. Having watched the success of Russia and East Germany at the 1976 and 1980 Olympic Games, Australia’s athletics bodies were convinced they needed state central planning if they were ever going to win medals again. (Not a bad theory, perhaps, if you believe the superiority of your political system can be demonstrated only in a water polo pool. Of course, we now know that a key part of the Eastern Bloc’s sporting plan was performance drug binges.)

It’s been 20 years since the Berlin Wall came down. Now might be a good time to abandon the state-subsidised jingoism embodied in elite sports funding.

Perhaps we could start thinking of sport like we think of any other industry. Competitive sport is like a competitive market. We import things which are uneconomical to produce in Australia. So too we could appreciate the skill of – and morally support – athletes from around the globe. The political insistence that our national honour is tied up in our domination of sporting contests is quite similar to the belief that we must have a home-grown Silicon Valley or green manufacturing industry if we’re going to have a self-respecting economy.

After all, globalisation has changed irrevocably our sporting allegiances. Many Australian soccer fans are just as likely to be interested in the fortunes of Real Madrid as they are in the Socceroos. Cricket fans might be more eager to watch the Rajasthan Royals compete in the highly competitive Indian Premier League than watch the Victorian Bushrangers. The traditional Australian constellation of swimming and tennis on the world stage, and football and cricket at home, is being undermined – in a good way – by our increasingly diverse ethnic make-up, as well as the accessibility of international sport on pay television and online.

These multicultural sports surely hold more appeal than the millions of dollars we spend on highly subsidised, niche elite sports such as volleyball. Most people care about volleyball for only 10 minutes every four years – and even then only if the sport rises above the din of other Olympic events. (Can anybody name an Australian volleyball player?)

Popular sports can afford to support themselves, and sports that are unpopular do not necessarily deserve to be propped up by taxpayers’ money. Australian athletes will continue to dominate many international competitions. As consumers of sport, we will be drawn to their success. Let’s leave it there. Why subsidise Cold War-style nationalism?

Consumerist Kiddies? Come On, Give Them A Little Credit

There’s a lot of rage directed at the advertising industry. The comedian Bill Hicks famously told his audience: “If anyone here is in marketing or advertising, kill yourself… you are Satan’s little helpers.”

And Hicks was just talking about companies that advertise to adults. In a documentary aired on the ABC last week, one talking head described advertisers who specialise in children’s products as “very similar to pedophiles”. This is an apparently widespread view, if the reactions to the doco on ABC message boards and Twitter are anything to go by.

In The Age, author Sharon Beder argued there is “a generation of children who have been manipulated, shaped and exploited” by the advertising industry. Corporations are, apparently, turning kids into mindless consumer drones.

But hold on a moment: children can’t afford to be consumers at all. Kids aren’t allowed to earn money – child labour laws are pretty explicit about that. Anything children consume is directly or indirectly controlled by their parents, whether by giving children pocket money, or buying them stuff. Kids aren’t the consumers here. Their parents are.

Often complaints about the commercialisation of childhood seem more like complaints about parenting than marketing. We keep hearing about the insidious development of “pester power”, as if kids are only annoying because a Bob the Builder (a division of HiT Entertainment, owned by Apax Partners) corporate planning session decided that nagging would be the firm’s third-quarter marketing strategy.

If there are parents who think their child will shut up when the advertising industry shuts down, they obviously don’t remember harassing their own parents about a new cricket set, or having their hair braided like other kids.

Take a child to the zoo, and all they want to do is talk about zebras. Watch a movie about cars, and all they want to do is play with cars. If the vast amount of culture modern children are enjoying on the internet, in video games and on DVDs makes them want to wear Elmo pyjamas or eat Transformers-branded cereal, it’s hardly a sign of the apocalypse – unless, of course, you have a philosophical objection to capitalism and brands in the first place.

Claims about the insidious nature of advertising are massively overblown.

Sure, children’s movies may often feature subtle product placements. Last year’s WALL-E did feature numerous references to expensive Apple products. But the plot of the movie was a satire of overconsumption and environmental degradation. Not many children would have left the cinema exhorting the virtues of consumerism.

Kiddie entertainment is usually pretty good like that – greedy characters get their comeuppance; the value of friendship is affirmed.

Similarly overblown are fears of the corporate takeover of schools. Companies that have been told to be “good corporate citizens” and sponsor community and school events are now being accused of brainwashing children.

In her book This Little Kiddy Went to Market: The Corporate Capture of Childhood Sharon Beder even speculated that “it is as if underfunding of schools is part of a corporate strategy to enable advertisers better access” – which only makes sense if you believe that government budgets are determined solely by a cabal of industrial tycoons.

Nevertheless, critics of consumerism argue that advertising is making kids depressed and unsettled because they can’t get everything they want. It’s certainly true that more children are being diagnosed with disorders such as attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, hypertension and depression than in the past. But we’ve only seriously started to diagnose mental illness in children within the past few decades. And there is good evidence to suggest that, particularly in the US, some schools are mischaracterising unruly childhood behaviour as a symptom of mental illness: 82 per cent of American teachers believe that ADHD is overdiagnosed, according to a 2005 study in the Journal of Attention Disorders.

Mental illness in children is not trivial. But to try to blame it on product placement in Pixar movies is just a little tenuous.

Going Green Is Just Another Rinse In Government Washer

There’s no better way to dress up your drab, colourless economic plan than calling it ”green”.

The Victorian Government has been trying to create a ”green economy” where business innovation is guided in a greenish direction by the gentle hand of subsidies, taxes and government purchasing decisions.

Last year’s Green Car Innovation Fund gave a nice, fresh, enviro-trendy spin to the traditional Australian pastime of taking money from successful, productive industries and giving it to car companies. For a short time, we all seemed convinced that dumping money in the deep black hole that is the Australian automotive sector was the best thing we could do for the environment.

Ten years ago, it wasn’t green jobs but technology start-ups that were going to be the future of our economy.

Remember the great tech hub in the Docklands that was supposed to make Melbourne the Silicon Valley of the southern hemisphere? The Victorian and federal governments spent millions on ”ComTechPort”, a network of buildings to host innovative tech start-ups. But the jewels in ComTechPort’s crown now have as their tenants such innovative, nimble start-ups as the Australia Customs Service, the Bureau of Meteorology, VicTrack and the Telstra Corporation.

Unfortunately, it looks as if we’re seeing that same cycle of wishful thinking and half-baked policymaking when governments talk about all the new cool green stuff they’re doing.

The Federal Government’s recent announcement of 50,000 new green jobs hit a quick snag when Participation Minister Mark Arbib, and then Kevin Rudd himself, admitted they weren’t ”new”, they weren’t really ”jobs” (most of them were more like work experience and training positions) and there probably wasn’t going to be 50,000 of them.

But they are still green. We will be getting a new Green Jobs Corps, educating, oh, a dozen-thousand or so unemployed youth in the finer points of tree planting and walking track construction. We’ll get a few more thousand ”local green jobs”, which also involve tree planting. And we’ll get 30,000 green apprentices. That last program will involve, among other things, ”training mechanics in green car engines”. There have been only about 10,000 hybrid cars sold in Australia. If all goes to plan, they’ll be very well maintained.

Government-created green jobs don’t tend to make a lot of economic sense. We might have great ambitions for a green, sustainable economy, but other countries have tried it already. In Spain, a recent study has found that each of the green jobs created in that country has cost nearly $1 million, and each job cannibalises more than two jobs from another sector.

Of course, some things are more important than money or the economy. But governments can’t simultaneously claim their green jobs schemes will drag us out of the economic doldrums, and argue green jobs are too important to dismiss with crude, heartless, economic analysis.

Nevertheless, a lot of people seem to view the financial crisis as a time to pursue other goals – we mustn’t just have one of those standard, boring economic recoveries, we have to have an exciting, innovative and forward-looking green economic recovery! But Australia’s unemployed would no doubt be a lot happier to get back into work as soon as possible, rather than waiting to be funnelled into a hypothetical green job according to the Government’s policy priorities.

Green is fashionable, sure. Consumers are demanding more environmentally aware products, and businesses are supplying that demand. Indeed, right now the private sector is doing a hell of a lot better than the Government when it comes to innovative green products and services.

But governments that slavishly follow fashions might just find themselves with a wardrobe full of old, worthless policies that don’t fit and cost the taxpayer way too much.

Let’s Bin The Overcooked Moralising

When MasterChef announces its winner tonight, it will have done more than inspire a few home chefs to cook half a pig’s head, as third-place winner Chris famously did.

MasterChef takes an overwhelmingly positive perspective on modern food and home cooking. This is actually pretty rare. A lot of the discussion about modern food is highly political and deeply pessimistic. Even popular shows that try to celebrate food can’t quite welcome the base pleasure of good cooking. Gordon Ramsay won’t stop mumbling about “local produce” and the evils of imported ingredients, and Jamie Oliver seems just as desperate that we grow our own vegies for the good of the planet as he is that we make our own pasta sauce from scratch.

Cultural critics have spent the past decade trying to convert our dinner into an ideological statement. We’re told we face a future torn between a diet of instantaneously prepared frankenfood made primarily of transfats, or a diet that is richer in politics than flavour – with a functional, expensive and bland mixture of local, organic, slow, GM-free and fair-trade food.

So it’s refreshing to watch a food show that doesn’t even pay lip service to all the over-cooked moralising about the “ethics” of food. You get the impression that even if a MasterChef contestant used ingredients that were artificially grown in a chemical factory by robot arms, the only thing the judges would be interested in would be taste, texture and presentation. You know, the reasons why we enjoy eating.

And MasterChef recipes almost always involve some nutritionally mischievous ingredients – sugar, butter and the ubiquitous salt. This, too, has upset some people. One nutritionist, Catherine Saxelby, was particularly concerned that the show has “no regard for health or nutrition”, arguing that MasterChef makes “the basic chop, potato and two veg look boring when there’s actually nothing wrong with it from a nutrition point of view”.

That makes sense: a dish consisting of a chop, a potato and two vegies is extremely boring. If nothing else, MasterChef will have encouraged a few more people to think carefully about food preparation and variety. After all, it is often out of boredom with home-cooking that we go for takeaway alternatives or just defrost frozen food.

The variety of food cooked by the MasterChef contestants – and the high standards they are able to achieve with easily sourced ingredients – also reflects the powerful consumer revolution in food that is changing what and how we eat. It’s no secret that the food we eat is different from the food our parents and grandparents ate. Sushi and home-cooked burritos would have been completely alien to most Australians just a few decades ago. The way foods have migrated because of globalisation is a story of long-term developments in food culture. But it’s not hard to find examples of how our tastes are rapidly expanding right now.

In my local Brunswick supermarket in the past month, the chorizo sausage has gone from being a niche delicacy, offered only as single, vacuum-packed sausages tucked away near the freezers, to being offered in large, fresh multipacks proudly displayed with the other meat. They’re now just opposite the mince. And you can’t get more mainstream than mince.

Incidentally, this new location also puts the chorizo within a sausage-throw of the okra – a weird, slimy fruit used primarily for gumbo, a Cajun and Creole stew. Many Australian-born generations before us would have had no idea of what okra was, let alone what to do with it. Yet it sits comfortably in suburban supermarkets, where space is at a premium.

Seemingly inconsequential technological developments are providing us with fresher produce at the humble supermarket. Lettuce and baby spinach is now most commonly available in pre-packaged, sealed plastic bags, rather than exposed for consumers to grab at. This began in Europe in the 1980s but has only recently had a big impact here. A seemingly minor change, sure, but it’s the little things that count. According to Packaging magazine Australia (it’s “Australia’s premier packaging news”!), most of the innovation in packaging is developed for the food industry – like “oxygen scavengers”, those weird little sachets that come with pre-made tortillas.

These changes in technology and taste have made it possible to narrow the distance between elite restaurants and home cooking, changes without which MasterChef would not be as engaging and relevant to the nearly 2.5 million Australians who watched the show’s final week. We are served a lot of ideological pessimism about contemporary home cooking. But MasterChef shows that the proof is in the eating.

Silly Recommendations Are Very Bad For Our Health

Should the Government give tax breaks for gym memberships? Sponsor therapy sessions for smokers? Limit the number of bottleshops in each suburb?

The Federal Government’s Preventative Health Taskforce has spent the past year coming up with creative little ideas to help Australians kick their alcohol, tobacco and fatty food habits. On Tuesday, the taskforce delivered its recommendations to Canberra. But they’ve been dripping out their proposals to the media for a few weeks.

Indeed, the taskforce seems to have adopted a tactic new to policy debate: if you propose enough bad ideas in a short enough space of time, it’s impossible to rebut them all.

One of the least convincing ideas is the one that has got the most attention: subsidised gym membership and fitness equipment to tackle obesity.

Yes, gyms can be expensive. But come the raw prawn, National Preventative Health Taskforce. Gwyneth Paltrow may spend $900 a month to go to a “workout studio”, according to the British Telegraph, but most gym memberships are the cost of an average mobile phone plan.

Maybe we are all craven, stingy fatties, but if we are, then it’d be a good bet that we’re lazy too. A few small tax breaks or a small government-sponsored reduction in the price of a gym membership is not exactly a compelling motivator to cast aside the pizza boxes and pump weights.

One of the more prominent anti-smoking proposals of the taskforce is to scrub cigarette packs of all brand identification – logos, colours, everything – as if stencilled gold foil pasted onto a cardboard box is all it takes to eliminate an individual’s willpower. Are there really that many people who want to quit smoking, but keep being drawn back by the shiny wrapping, like a nicotine-addled magpie?

No doubt the taskforce hopes to replace the labels with “YOU MIGHT AS WELL BE DEAD ALREADY” in a nice bold typeface on one side of the pack, and on the other side a picture of a confused and sad Bruce Willis. And you get a mandatory slap on the face with each packet purchased.

We’re a lot further down the nanny state’s slippery slope than anybody could have predicted a few decades ago. When restrictions on tobacco were first seriously implemented, those who opposed the measures asked whether fatty food could be the next target. That concern was, of course, dismissed as silly and a little bit shrill. Well, it’s government policy now.

There’s a big chasm between the medical world and the world of public policy.

Public health activists demonstrate their odd detachment from the mainstream world of politics when they start talking about our “obesogenic” environment – a term used by reputable groups such as VicHealth and the Australian Heart Foundation to describe a society which apparently makes obesity nearly inevitable.

Like those post-Marxist philosophers who study the “essential violence” of peaceful capitalism, these public health academics now seek to expose the essential fatness of 21st century Australia. Indeed, many health scholars have moved so far out of the realm of medicine that they seem to be developing a branch of sociology based solely on trans fats.

They may have good intentions. Nobody wants Australia to be needlessly unhealthy. But these medicos with ambitious regulatory proposals rarely consider some critical questions. Will there be unintended consequences? (Such as drinkers changing from alcopops to hard spirits since the tax was increased.) And where is the evidence that it’ll even work – will the specific policy being recommended actually fix the problem?

There is an almost unanimous agreement among public health lobbyists and the commentariat that the Government should ban junk food advertising to children. But theRoyal Journal of Medicine argues there is “no good evidence that advertising has a substantial influence on children’s food consumption”.

Our peak communications regulator, the Australian Communications and Media Authority, which has repeatedly looked at the issue over the past decade, agrees. Nevertheless, we still get vacuous claims about “pester-power” – claims which seem to be driven by the belief that only the government can stop kids nagging their parents.

Mark Twain was concerned that giving the government the power to “meddle with the private affairs of cities or citizens” risked people losing their “independence of thought and action”. Today, it seems that for many in the public health establishment, this loss of independent thought and action is not so much a warning as an assumption.

Crisis? What Crisis?

By now, we’ve all read the story, dozens of times. It goes like this: the financial crisis has brought down the Potemkin village of consumerism. The recession has exposed the internal contradictions and long-term impossibility of the neo-liberal order.

In a thousand community centres across Australia, in homes and kitchens and op shops, people are changing how they live their lives. People are cooking at home instead of eating out. Restaurants are responding by replacing gourmet with “home-inspired” meals. Friends are sharing clothes. Op shops are in fashion, a claim shown by talking to the fashion designer who picked up a pair of leather pants for (just!) $120 from the Salvos. Indeed, the Salvos have rebranded their stores as “Fashion with a Conscience”, making the leap from evangelical Christians with a focus on charity, to “urban recyclers” with celebrity endorsements describing the shops as a “new shopping hot spot”.

Sewing is back – here two youngish mothers are sewing pants for their children and have started a home-made homewares club that plans to meet every fortnight in a Brunswick community hall. Fashionistas are now recessionistas; “recession chic” has replaced all-my-pants-are made-out-of-Peruvian-diamonds chic. You get the idea.

But is consumerism really on its deathbed? I mean, we’re not even technically in a recession yet.

This narrative about the consequences of the economic crisis is just a little too cute to be true – it’s like prudence and thrift as seen through the glossy eyes of an upmarket women’s magazine. These are the kind of savings found by people whose share portfolio has dipped, not the financial savings that people who have been suddenly kicked out of work have to find.

If conspicuous consumption has really gone, perhaps we’ve replaced it with conspicuous frugality. It’s sometimes hard to tell the difference. Are expensive ripped jeans, popular long before credit began to crunch, meant to symbolise poverty or wealth? The developed world’s press – tabloids and broadsheets alike – have managed an apparently seamless transition from stories about “why the economy is growing but we’re all really sad” to stories about “starving in style”.

An unemployment rate of 4 per cent apparently makes us concerned about working too hard, and economic growth makes us depressed. But an unemployment rate just over 5 per cent evidently encourages people to discover their inner artisan and make their own hats out of felt.

Certainly, the retail sector has sputtered in the past few months. In February, retail sales fell 2 per cent. In March, sales increased more than 2 per cent, and April’s figures show a barely discernible increase of just 0.3 per cent. But, despite the ups and downs of the retail sector since the downturn began, RMIT economists Sinclair Davidson and Ashton de Silva found, in a study released this month, that retail sales figures were sticking closely to their long-term trend – and that trend is, even in these dark economic times, moving inexorably upwards.

Sure, this could be due to the $900 gifts that most people received a month or two back, although the economists pointed out that a mostly steady trend suggests this is unlikely. Nonetheless, if consumerism is really sinking, then the seawater hasn’t shown up in the retail sector quite yet.

Obviously, rejecting consumer capitalism for political reasons isn’t a new phenomenon. Back in 2006 The Australia Institute, a left-wing think tank, claimed that dumpster-diving was gaining in popularity. Skip-dippers are conscientious objectors to consumerism who aren’t forced by adverse circumstances to dig through other people’s rubbish, but do so as a political statement about sustainability and capitalism. And, according to the Australia Institute, skip-dippers aren’t just people who enjoy reupholstering furniture, but more affluent hobbyists shoving their hands in supermarket dumpsters until they touch the coagulating bin-juice at the bottom.

And people were sewing clothes as a hobby well before Lehman Brothers went bankrupt. Indeed, in 2001, the satirists at The Onion wrote a piece titled “Gruelling Household Tasks of 19th Century Enjoyed By Suburban Woman”, pointing out that churning butter and making candles by hand are very strange ways to spend your free time.

Nevertheless, one somewhat more serious article in the British industry magazine Marketing Week claimed that the financial crisis comes at a moment in history when we are shifting away from consumerism anyway – the magazine described the future as a “premodern age”. According to this view, we’re seeing a new emphasis on social, rather than individual, production and we’re buying things less for instant gratification, and with social goals in mind. We’re thinking of the environmental impact of our purchases and the ethical questions they raise, and so on.

There is something to this. In 2009, there’s scarcely a product imported from the Third World that doesn’t have a fair trade equivalent. And environmental sustainability is now held as a goal not just for committed greenies, but for otherwise non-political types. After all, skip-dipping student communes can’t afford to install solar panels on their sharehouses, these basic but expensive home improvements are being taken up by largely middle-class buyers.

Rightly so. Psychologists and economists refer to a “hierarchy of needs” – once individuals have sorted out basic things like food and shelter, safety, and love, they start concerning themselves with ethical or moral questions. If you’re rich enough to afford imported cheese, you’ve also got more energy to think about where your food comes from, or what impact you might be making on the wider world.

But how seriously should we take the idea that the financial crisis is the final straw that will suddenly push us into glorious premodernity? Marketing Week pointed to the popularity of Lily Allen, whose pop music has an anti-consumerist tinge. Indeed, in the lead single of Allen’s latest album she mockingly sings: “I am a weapon of massive consumption, and it’s not my fault, it’s how I’m programmed to function.” Do you like her message? Have you already bought her CD? You might also want to buy the video from iTunes for $3.39. And ringtones of her songs are available from the Lily Allen Mobile Store, ensuring you can continue to collect Lily Allen memorabilia on the go. She does appreciate your support – The New York Timesreported that Allen spent $143,000 on clothes and jewellery just last year. Hey, there’s nothing wrong with any of that. It would be a stupid pop singer who didn’t offer her fans every kind of merchandising possible. And for a musician, multiple revenue streams are essential in an age of widespread music piracy.

But a celebrity’s failure to practise the ascetic lifestyle they preach does nothing to assuage that nagging suspicion that political views about conspicuous consumption can be as much a fashion as any brand-name T-shirt.

Even the popular anti-advertising culture-jamming outfit Adbusters puts out an overproduced magazine designed more for the coffee table than the barricades. Yet, the publisher of Adbusters decries our lazy consumerism: “We watch nature shows instead of venturing into nature. We laugh at sitcom jokes but not at our spouse’s. We spend more evenings enjoying video sex than making love ourselves.”

Does that description hold true for anyone you know personally? We speak of other people seeking out “status goods” – things purchased primarily to signal to others that they could afford them – and “conspicuous consumption”, but we are apparently never guilty of such irrationality ourselves. Soulless consumerism is easy to identify in others, not so easy to identify at home.

Just a few years ago, social critics were claiming that people bought iPods in part to show off their distinctive white earbuds. But as Apple reduced its prices and introduced new, cheaper models, it undermined the “status” value of its products by making them available to even more people. The presumed exclusivity of the iPod range was totally shattered. Yet since then, sales of iPods have increased exponentially.

I don’t know about you, but I buy things because I think they might make my life better in some way. Sometimes we all get it wrong – a book isn’t as good as we hoped, a piece of technology doesn’t integrate into our lives as smoothly as we would like, or we bought too many mushrooms to put in the risotto. Most of the time, we get it right.

So what is so “consumerist” about that? Is it really conspicuous consumption if the enjoyment we derive from stuff comes from when we use them, not just simply from purchasing them? And if it is, then what’s the problem? I suspect that the vast literature on consumerism and consumption can be reduced to one banal observation: life is getting better. We have more ways to raise our living standards, and some of those ways involve buying stuff.

There’s a funny thing about recessions: if – a pretty important “if” – you don’t lose your job, recessions aren’t really that bad a time to be alive. Interest rates tend to go down and panicky retailers aggressively discount their goods to try to draw customers back and clear stock. If you like your designer fashion or just no-brand accessories, they will be going on sale earlier and at prices lower than when the economy was booming. So, except for shrinking superannuation savings, there really isn’t too much to panic about. For better or worse, a recession needn’t precipitate any major changes to the way we live our lives. If you haven’t done anything stupid, like max out your credit card, or taken out a mortgage you couldn’t even pay off in a booming economy, then everything should be fine.

Of course, for the minority that lose their jobs, recessions can be very traumatic. Sure, the unemployed may be spared the consequences of “affluenza” – the crippling emotional emptiness of consumerism – but losing a job is widely considered a big risk factor for mental illness, poorer physical health and relationship problems.

As always, our historical linchpin for economic downturns is the Great Depression. We all know of parents or grandparents who acquired a distinct frugality during the 1930s. But it’s not like consumerism took a holiday during the Great Depression. The 1930s was a formative period in the development of the advertising industry, when marketers started to focus on marketing directly to the vanity of individuals.

Beauty products are famously counter-cyclical – that is, as the economy goes down, sales of lipstick and foundation go up – as people spend money on cheaper forms of self-improvement and satisfaction. This held just as true for the 1930s as it has for the recessions that followed. Yet this focus on the individual during an economic downturn doesn’t quite fit our idea of the communal, co-operative and fundamentally anti-consumerist culture in the period.

And, of course, we have to remember that, whatever cultural changes did occur during the Depression, that period was followed by a long postwar boom. The golden age of advertising built on the foundations developed during the 1930s and 1940s – two decades of apparent selflessness.

Economic downturns always end. Broad shifts in culture aren’t just brought about from an economic crisis. They take time. Maybe there are big changes afoot in society. But the activists and trend-spotters who treat the financial crisis as the harbinger of a global anti-consumer sustainability revolution are reading just a little too much into a few anecdotes about sewing and vegie patches.

Anyway, a green economy will require a little more than “reduce, reuse and recycle” – going green takes greenbacks. Energy produced by wind power costs much more than energy produced by brown coal; the cheapest electric car is far more expensive than the cheapest gas-guzzler. Whatever consumer preferences are shifting towards green products is only possible because of our historically unprecedented wealth. We’ll all need to buy our way into a cleaner future – energy-saving devices don’t buy themselves. The same is true for almost all other social and ethical causes. Concerned about global poverty? Producers in the Third World would appreciate our continued demand for their goods.

If before the crisis hit you were a reckless spender and debt-accumulator, then I’m glad a recession could come along to shock you out of your idiotic ways. And if you refused to share your clothes with your friends, but now that your investments have tanked you’ve been able to find just that little bit of residual neighbourliness deep within you, then that’s marvellous.

Nevertheless, for the vast majority of Australians, life will continue as before, largely unaffected by the economic downturn. The global financial crisis is a big deal. But it’s not that big a deal.

Stimulus (N): A Huge Sum Of Money Spent On Any Old Crap

What doesn’t count as economic stimulus? Or, if we are to use the more formal term, is there any spending Prime Minister Kevin Rudd wouldn’t consider to be Nation Building for Recovery?

The Commonwealth Government is planning to spend $1.4 million helping a recreation hall in the ACT install iPod docking stations, among other things. Children these days apparently won’t go anywhere if they can’t plug in their MP3 players. And the global economy needs – really, really desperately needs – a couple more iPod docks.

Just like it really, really needs the renovation of the Guildford community hall’s interior linings, the upgrade of the Harry Trott reserve car park in Kennington, and the new BMX track in Gardiner Reserve, Gisborne. And the credit crunch really needs the old tourist welcome sign in Tenterfield, NSW, to be replaced. (That one will cost us $30,000, but I’m sure Tenterfield deserves only the best in welcome sign technology.)

All of these recession-busters are contained in the Federal Government’s community infrastructure program as part of the stimulus package. There’s a quarter of a billion dollars being spent on these sorts of “community” projects, which apparently differ from normal infrastructure because of the occurrence of group hugs or Kumbaya singalongs.

Don’t get me wrong. Community is lovely and heart-warming and sharing-tastic. But reading the list of community projects makes it seem as though the Rudd Government is giving the whole country a full body massage, except the ending will only be happy if you’re into eucalyptus distillery museums and really big budget deficits.

It would be interesting to find out what proposals the Government thought were bad value for money, if any. If the iPod docking stations got through, what wouldn’t have?

Admittedly, if you are going to try to flood the economy with borrowed cash, you have to buy something – you might as well build a shed for Warrnambool’s Holiday Actors theatre group or give a Glenroy toilet block a once-over.

The purpose behind the stimulus plan seems to be just getting people to do stuff. But why this particular stuff? Why not build a super-fast underground railway from Perth to Hobart? At least that’d be exciting. Or what about investing in a giant computer to figure out the meaning of life? We’ve always wanted to be a knowledge nation; that would finally clinch it.

It’s hard to believe the future of the Australian economy depends on the mass upgrade of toilet facilities. In fact, it’s hard to believe that the Government can do anything about the world economic downturn that got us into this mess.

The old rule about government is that everything it builds costs at least twice as much. In the past few days, a Queensland school has received $250,000 for a shed that is only worth $29,000. So when we see the Commonwealth paying $38,000 for chain-wire fencing around a junior oval in Carisbrook, it seems a bit steep – unless the fence is made out of titanium and hand-chained by vestal virgins with PhDs.

I’m no expert, obviously, but Tumby Bay on the Eyre Peninsula is managing to fence a full-sized oval, and rehydrate some drought-stricken trees, for just $25,000.

If the Government called you and insisted it pay for you to build an extra wing on your modest home, you’d be an idiot not to budget generously.

At the 2007 election, the Liberal Party handed out maps of its electorates pointing out all the cool stuff it was able to scrounge from the Government: a traffic light upgrade, a new carpet for the local school, a microwave for a CFA station in Kooweerup. These maps helped inculcate the belief that the sole task of federal politicians is to snatch as much money out of the common pool of taxation as they can. Every electorate for itself until the next budget.

The community infrastructure program reproduces this principle on an industrial scale. Government MPs will dine out for years on the photographs of them wearing safety hats while observing the construction of sheds and toilets in every corner of their electorate. And that may be the whole point.

Hurling Invective At CEOs Over Salaries Is A Bit Rich

Why the anger about executive salaries? Sure, that question might seem just a little naive. (“Multimillionaires, the long-term unemployed – why can’t we all just get along?”)

After all, even as companies are moulting employees like dog hair, the upwards pressure doesn’t seem to have gone off exorbitant executive pay, at least from the perspective of Joe Mortgage-Stressed. The economy isn’t technically in a recession, but it’s quite ill – perhaps the oligarchs could ease off the foie gras and Dom Perignon?

So ACTU head Sharan Burrow proclaimed last Tuesday that now is the time to crack down on CEO remuneration, and proposed a salary cap for chief executives of 10 times the wage of their average employee. Normally such a proposal would be easy to dismiss as the embarrassing post-mortem spasm of a union movement that is cooling in the morgue. A financial crisis is as good a time as any to whip up a little anger about dastardly bosses; a bit of traditional class conflict.

But Prime Minister Kevin Rudd has been threatening to curb CEO remuneration since early this year, asking the Productivity Commission to inquire into the best approach to take. The inquiry has spent the past few months hearing a wide range of people who are fairly sure they know how to run Australia’s biggest companies better than they are being run now.

I’m somewhat cynical about handing authority over corporate salaries to politicians who have, in recent times, had temper tantrums about inflight food, got into fisticuffs in party-room meetings and resigned over conflicts of interest. The corporate world might be cut-throat, but Parliament is full of people who hate each other. Their moral authority is less than absolute. And their knowledge of how large companies operate is less than comprehensive.

Shareholders – who directly own Australia’s biggest companies – should perhaps turn a more sceptical eye to the salaries of the executives. After all, they have just as big an interest in the future of their company as its employees.

While the market is climbing, as it has for a decade, executive salaries climb. And when the market falls, many executive salaries fall. The Australian Institute of Company Directors has reported that the directors of big financial firms like Commonwealth Bank, AMP, ANZ and AXA Asia Pacific have had their salaries frozen, restructured, or cut in response to the downturn. Average bonus payouts on Wall Street fell by 40 per cent in 2008. Perhaps they could have fallen more.

Future corporate remuneration committees will be rethinking the salary packages that have led to some executives getting huge bonuses even as their company collapses around them.

But, still, the best people to deal with these issues are the owners of firms, not politicians.

Anyway, who seriously believes that the level of CEO pay in Australia had anything to do with the subprime crisis that set off this whole mess? It is really easy and popular to throw abuse at CEOs.

I’m not trying to suggest that executives pulling in $30 million a year are in any way underdogs. But you’d hardly call it courageous when politicians and union leaders blame the three or four Australian executives who could be considered uber-rich for the problems the world economy faces.

So when Sharan Burrow stood up last week to proclaim that “the shameful reality is that not only have there been no apologies and no jail sentences but outrageous multimillion bonuses”, she was actually telling the rest of Australia two things: 1. We should all work really hard to keep the union movement from being in any position to alter the Crimes Act; and 2. the nation’s most senior union official doesn’t know how to respond to the economic downturn with anything other than angry finger-pointing.

And when Rudd decided that this was the time to crack down on corporate compensation, he revealed his crude populism – the Government seems just as eager to blame “greed” or executive salaries or “neo-liberals” for the crisis as it is to actually tackle the causes. You’d expect that from the unions, but you’d hope for better from the Prime Minister.